Travolta: L. Ron Hubbard would have married Heidi!!!

John Travolta is an actor, father of several children and staunch advocate of preserving our nation’s covered bridges. L. Ron Hubbard was one of the “leading lights” of the ancient Scientological Church and also a noted seer, coxswain and man of letters. He is dead now, but to marry such a man would literally transfer unto this lucky female the coveted mantle of Queen. And guess what? Heidi is the Chosen One!!! John Travolta unhesitatingly cited Heidi’s good humor, kindness to animals, singing voice, kitchen skills and All-American good looks before bestowing upon her this highest of honors. And that’s not all--he continued by saying that the way Heidi has handled her incredible fame over the years is “unprecedented in recorded history.” Geez, do you think he likes Heidi??? Well, he is not a dumb man, that’s for sure. He danced with Princess Diana!!! Do you remember that magical night? What is fantastic is that this is not mere speculation. As a ranking Thetan of the 41st Imperial Operating Level, John Joseph Travolta is actually in daily contact with the “Barn Boss” of the ancient Scientological Church. His name? L. Ron Hubbard!!!! And yes, he is in LOVE with Heidi!!!!

Oprah gushes about Heidi: "She reminds me of me!!!"

Oprah Winfrey has made television history more than once whether it be by giving away cars, being the first to break big news stories or even just having political candidates on to talk about their policies. But rarely does Oprah give out that one thing that so many of us are dying for: Praise. Usually she just sits back and lets people talk about themselves. That is her specialty and her gift. But when recently asked to give her thoughts on who are the brightest lights of the upcoming generation of stars, Oprah was quick to single out Heidi Montag as the best of the bunch. She even went so far as to compare herself to Heidi!!! That is fantastic news. Heidi isn’t a big fan of the Oprah TV show, but of course she respects Oprah’s accomplishments. Oprah is a billionaire after all!!! Heidi has the drive and determination Oprah has, plus the added bonus of having more varied talents than Oprah. As far as acting goes, we all know Oprah was in that slave movie and in “Ghost” but Heidi is on a #1 TV show!! And have you ever heard Oprah sing? Come on, Heidi has the #1 Video Internet Song!! Furthermore, no one is going to want to watch Oprah on the beach in a bikini!! Heidi? No problem—they will watch all day! And they have and will CONTINUE to do so!!! So why wouldn’t you take Oprah for her word?? She is shrewd enough to recognize her failings in comparisons to Heidi’s strengths and brave enough to say it out loud!!!! Good job, Oprah!!

Heidi’s Official Portrait officially commissioned to Thomas Kinkade!!

Great news today. Heidi has been agonizing for MONTHS about who to choose to paint her for her official portrait to be donated to the Library of Congress this coming Christmas Day, but the votes are in and Heidi has chosen one of the most well-known and accomplished painters in the world today. Thomas Kinkade is known the world over for his bright, almost heavenly renditions of landscapes and portraits of the world’s most famous people. Seriously, a paintbrush in Thomas’s expert hand is like a magic wand in the fingers of an all-powerful wizard and Heidi knows this. Simply put, this guy can do it all and he’s just as excited as Heidi to get the opportunity to capture her likeness for ages to come. It’s a real mutual admiration society and there is nothing wrong with that. A lot of celebrities and art critics are chomping at the bit to see this painting but listen, folks, it hasn’t been done yet!!! Nor do we know when and where the session will take place…do you think Heidi is crazy??? If the details of this were to become public knowledge it would be a media circus times three!!! The painting will be unveiled at the proper time and place and that’s just the way it’s going to be. But you can bet technologically-savvy Heidi is going to post it on the internet so we will ALL get to see it when it is done. She would not cheat her fans!!!

Heidi Gives Stimulus Check to the Poor!

By now everyone knows about President Bush’s historic decision to personally mail out the 2008 U.S. Government Stimulus Checks to help kick the economy of our home country in gear. But did you know that Heidi has decided to give 100% of the proceeds of her check to a charity in her home state of Colorado???? It’s true!! Heidi is not naming the charity because she believes the recipients have every right to keep their privacy and dignity and Heidi knows that even if she isn’t physically there, the photogs will descend like locusts upon anything she is associated with. We CAN say that it is a long-standing charity established in the 19th century whose purpose and aim is to provide succor to those afflicted with deformities and help them to manufacture a new “lease on life.” Heidi’s donation is going to literally save lives!!!

Heidi’s act of kindness and “thousandth point of light” should make us ALL look inside ourselves and take stock of the last time we tried to help someone. Do something today--it doesn’t have to mean giving away most of the money you make like Heidi or even giving some pocket change to a scary, crazy bum, but it can just be the attitude you carry as you walk around the world. Heidi is always smiling, even when she is devastated from people saying and writing pernicious lies about her. I would SUGGEST you follow her example!!!!

Looks like Heidi has picked the Bugatti Veyron!!

It’s official!!! Heidi’s personal shopper signed the paperwork Tuesday for Heidi to be placed at the very top of the waiting list for the Bugatti Veyron Fbg par Hermes “Supercar” automobile. This is the world’s fastest car and it is NOT for everyone. It is expensive (I won’t display the bad taste of other bloggers by publishing the price) and it is exclusive. ESPECIALLY the Hermes edition, which in the venerated tradition of this great fashion house will be one of the most luxurious and exclusive means of personal conveyance to be found on the road. ANY road, and that includes the rich Arab countries. Heidi has thought long and hard about this!!! It is her money that she’s earned herself so of course she is going to treat herself. If people have a problem with it they are welcome to save up their money and buy this car!!! Heidi was put at the top of the list because of her long history of working within and without the fashion industry to promote the most glamorous clothes and the most historic brands of luxury. Plus, she is a great driver!!! It is a win-win situation. The staff of Hermes is delighted and word is they are going to treat Heidi to a midnight shopping spree at their beautiful store at Via Bellagio in Las Vegas Nevada. The store will be closed to the public and ONLY Heidi will be allowed to shop!!! You may say that’s not fair, but it’s not fair to Heidi if she has to shop with her fans and the “paps” around because she is just too nice!!! She would never have time to pick out her free stuff!!! The workers at the store can’t stay there all night, just because people want to watch Heidi shop, can they??? And nor should they be asked to!!!!!!

‘Bolt-Ons’---Unacceptable Term!!!!

Earlier this afternoon there was an article that made graphic reference to Heidi’s chest area—calling it “Bolt-Ons.” This is filth and probably libel, too. I mean I realize the internet is a free of censorship zone and I agree in principle, but can’t we just for once operate on a little bit of a higher plane? Where dignity and restraint can reign instead of junior high school level “slang terms?” Heidi made a choice and she is happy with it. But no, OTHER people can’t be happy—they can never be happy unless they are slandering something—if someone looks good they’ve got to say “you don’t look good.” Anything for controversy. These are the same sort of people who call Heather Mills “Hopalong.” It is disgusting and once again, actionable behavior if we take the time to analyze it on a word by word basis. Would you call Sammy Davis Jr. “Glass Head” or “Cyclops?”