The Devil Wears Prada to be remade with Heidi!!!

The Devil Wears Prada was a pretty good movie but did anyone notice how unglamorous and mousy the lead actress Jane Hathaway was?? Well, the “big guns” in Hollywood did and they are putting plans in motion to remake the movie with Heidi in the starring role as the “It” girl assistant to famous editor Miranda Priestly of Runway magazine. The casting of this inspired remake is a who’s who of current Hollywood Royalty. Take a look:

Heidi Montag as Andy Sachs (the Midwest “Glamour Girl” who comes to be famous in NY)
Nicole Richie as Miranda Priestly (the evil fashion magazine editor and Heidi’s boss)
RuPaul as Nigel (the gay employee who befriends Andy and gives her free clothes)
Grand Dame Judy Dench as Emily (the snobby British fashion-nut who is assistant to Miranda and who is jealous of Heidi)
Jackie Earle Haley as Christian Thompson (the famous writer who seduces Heidi)
Kevin Dillon as Nate (Heidi’s boyfriend who wants to be a chef)
Jada Pinkett-Smith as Lily (Heidi’s black lesbian friend)
Guest stars Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen as the Priestly Twins (the little girls who read the Harry Potter book Heidi steals for them)

With a cast like that the batting average on this movie is bound to be 1,000%. Preorders for DVDs are through the roof and it hasn’t even been shot yet! Release will be late 2009 so we have to wait awhile. But you know it will be worth it!!! Heidi DESIGNS clothes so of course she is a natural for this role. Expect popcorn and candy sales to be up during screenings of this film, also, as Heidi’s fans are definitely from an upscale demographic!!!!

Heidi Hand-Chosen to be OFFICIAL Pallbearer at Funeral of Yves Saint Laurent

The world lost a fashion giant a few days ago, but of course there are always new and up and coming designers who are going to make fashion history no matter who came before. The people closest to Yves Saint Laurent as his long illness worked its way to the end are unanimous about one thing and that is that he regarded Heidi and her Heidiwood clothing line as the hands-down best of the “new breed” of California-based fashion pioneers. So it’s coming as no surprise to anyone in the industry that the last will and testament of Yves Saint Laurent specified specifically that Heidi be one of the pallbearers at Yves Saint Laurent’s funeral in the fashion capital of Paris. There were even rumors flying around over the weekend that the funeral was being moved to southern California in tribute to Heidi, but of course that is ridiculous. Yves Saint Laurent was many things but he was not an American, so how could he expect to be buried on American soil? Like I already said once—ridiculous!!! Heidi has had to cancel and rearrange more than half a dozen business appointments in order to attend this funeral but as usual she is handling these setbacks with her GOD-GIVEN aplomb. Yves Saint Laurent’s “grandma-type” clothes are just a bit too old-fashioned for a girl like Heidi, but she knows her fashion history. Of course, Heidi is in great shape physically, but she is female so even though she is an OFFICIAL pallbearer at this funeral, she will not be forced to carry the actual coffin. Arrangements have been made to have a cashmere blanket spread over the front half of the casket and Heidi will be asked to sit up there as the procession moves through the street of Paris and local church bells toll out the news that another life has been lost. People, it is quite obvious this is going to be the fashion event of the year, so Heidi has respectfully asked that she be permitted to wear her own clothing line and this request has been granted without hesitation.

Heidi condemns Fritzl—possible adoption???

The latest dispatch from Heidi’s handlers is that she is so upset about this monster Josef Fritzl who kept his own family hostage in an underground tunnel system that she is weighing the legal ramifications of offering to adopt ALL the Fritzl family children. Heidi will welcome each child into her home personally, even the one who hops about like a monkey and can’t speak English. This is called UNCONDITIONAL love and Heidi has already picked out several outfits from her Heidiwood line of clothing for the kids to wear. They are going to love the Hollywood lifestyle and Heidi is doing this for THEM and not her own personal gain. Raising children costs money and Heidi is not afraid to spend it!! It will be a long road, but of course Heidi is going to have access to the best teachers and nannies that America can produce. And of course the best in America is the best in the world!!! What kind of IDIOT would think otherwise???? Even if these children had been raised in a NORMAL home by NORMAL people they still wouldn’t have had a chance to be a success or be famous because of the country the lived in. Austria is just not good enough when you compare it to the best in the business! Remember, it’s not bragging if you can back it up!!!!!

Heidi to be new voice of Commerce Bank’s Penny Arcade!!

Most banks are going out of business faster than the crow flies because of this mortgage loan crisis, but Commerce Bank is the world’s fastest growing bank. Most of the major movie stars have accounts at Commerce and Heidi is no exception. Recently she had a discussion with the President and CEO of the bank and now it is official!! Heidi is going to lend her voice to Penny Arcade, the automated change-counting machines located at every branch of Commerce Bank, USA. You do NOT have to be a Commerce Bank customer to use Penny Arcade!!! It is a great and invaluable service but some concerned folks have made some very germane and negative comments about the voice that is used to guide customers through the time-consuming process counting their submitted change. The majority of people have described it as “childish” and “creepy” so, once again, Heidi to the rescue!! She has booked studio time and she is going to re-record EVERY SINGLE phrase that Penny/Heidi says in a professional setting with professional sound engineers and staff. People are going to love this “new look and sound” Penny Arcade! Bear in mind that Commerce does not charge for this service!!!

Heidi making a play for L.A. Gear???

The continuing popularity of Heidi’s “Heidiwood” line of designer clothing is no secret. But there’s more wonderful news forthcoming because word from the top turret of the Montag Mansion is that Heidi is seriously considering re-launching the famous 80’s brand of L.A. Gear footwear to complement her Heidiwood line of best-selling designer clothing. Heidi is a girl on the go, and she knows that most of the pretty, fit girls her age and younger are on the go, too. And who wants to wear stupid, ugly Nikes all the time? These fuddy-duddy sneaker brands like Reebok and Nike just do not cater to the fashion-forward young woman with a lot on her mind. So Heidi to the rescue!!!

L.A. Gear was absolutely the biggest “lifestyle brand” of both the 80’s AND the 90’s and Heidi knows it is much, much easier to re-start an already famous brand than build something from scratch. After all, she’s done both!!! Heidiwood is like Gucci or Prada now!!! In less than one year!! Face it. Heidi knows the fashion industry inside and out, and she knows what her fans want. They want a stylish, fashionable shoe suitable for wearing both to the gym and to dinner at a wonderful restaurant. And it has to be something that girls not as wealthy as Heidi can afford with their own money. Not some super-expensive thing that they are shooting kids for like Air Jordans!!! Heidi would be devastated if one of her fans were killed over shoes. Or killed at all!! No one wants to see people die and that is the point!!!

Heidiwood clothing line and critics thereof

It seems like the fashion critics and other wannabees are having a “field day” shooting down Heidi’s clothing line—which is called HeidiWood. They are saying that it is trash or whatever. I don’t know a whole lot about women’s clothing but most of these smart-ass critics who have been saying this stuff have been males of the homosexual variety. What the heck does a gay man know about woman’s clothes???? Men wear Men’s clothes, no matter what their sexual preferences. No Male is ever fit to judge clothes a woman has designed and that are meant to be worn by a woman. That’s it. End of story.

More on this later….