Heidi is extremely saddened to learn about the death of Ling Ling!!

By now we have all heard the shocking news that Ling Ling, the world’s most famous panda, has passed away in its cage at the Tokyo Zoo. Heidi was told the news by her private handlers early this morning and word getting back to the press is that Heidi was very sad to hear about this. Pandas have long been Heidi’s favorite animal!!! Heidi had not had a chance to visit Ling Ling in Tokyo but Heidi has had a picture of Ling Ling as the wallpaper on her top-of-the-line Toshiba laptop for some time now. So of course she is sad!!! We ALL should be. Doctors and lawyers at the zoo are saying that Ling Ling was 70 years old in human years. That is incredible!!! Ling Ling was also very smart--it had learned sign language and was also able to pull around a small wooden cart. Heidi will most likely be issuing an “official” statement on this tragedy soon. Just give her some time to heal, she only heard the news this morning!!!

Looks like Heidi has picked the Bugatti Veyron!!

It’s official!!! Heidi’s personal shopper signed the paperwork Tuesday for Heidi to be placed at the very top of the waiting list for the Bugatti Veyron Fbg par Hermes “Supercar” automobile. This is the world’s fastest car and it is NOT for everyone. It is expensive (I won’t display the bad taste of other bloggers by publishing the price) and it is exclusive. ESPECIALLY the Hermes edition, which in the venerated tradition of this great fashion house will be one of the most luxurious and exclusive means of personal conveyance to be found on the road. ANY road, and that includes the rich Arab countries. Heidi has thought long and hard about this!!! It is her money that she’s earned herself so of course she is going to treat herself. If people have a problem with it they are welcome to save up their money and buy this car!!! Heidi was put at the top of the list because of her long history of working within and without the fashion industry to promote the most glamorous clothes and the most historic brands of luxury. Plus, she is a great driver!!! It is a win-win situation. The staff of Hermes is delighted and word is they are going to treat Heidi to a midnight shopping spree at their beautiful store at Via Bellagio in Las Vegas Nevada. The store will be closed to the public and ONLY Heidi will be allowed to shop!!! You may say that’s not fair, but it’s not fair to Heidi if she has to shop with her fans and the “paps” around because she is just too nice!!! She would never have time to pick out her free stuff!!! The workers at the store can’t stay there all night, just because people want to watch Heidi shop, can they??? And nor should they be asked to!!!!!!

Q Ratings: Latest numbers show Heidi still miles above Miley!!

It’s 15 months running now that Heidi has scored higher than Miley Cyrus on the all-important Q-score celebrity rating scale. Even with this so-called “teen sensation’s” latest preposterous publicity stunt of shameful nude photos in a national magazine, she still doesn’t come close to Heidi’s numbers!!! I shudder to think what “Hannah Montana” will try next. It’s not going to work!! What’s even better is that Heidi’s fans are more mature, wealthier and definitely more fashion forward in today’s day and age. This is what marketers want and what they are looking for.

Could this be why Heidi was recently invited to Washington to privately dine with President George Bush and his First Wife Laura while Miley was nowhere to be seen? Let’s see, what sounds more appealing, spending Saturday night at the White House with the President of a country and a whole slew of A-list celebrities or spending it sitting in some warehouse taking off your clothes for a TOTAL STRANGER with a camera??? We are SORRY, Disney girl, but you are simply not ready to play with the grown-ups yet…

Juliette Lewis and the Licks is Heidi’s Favorite All-Time Band!!!

It’s true…Heidi has confided to close friends and inside handlers that her #1 all time top band is Juliette Lewis and the Licks. This band is led by the irrepressible frontwoman and Oscar-nominated “big-screen” actress Juliette Lewis, who sings and writes the songs. The Licks are her band and they play ALL the instruments. This is a number one charting band with songs on every radio station in America and also both satellite Radio stations. They are stars so it makes all the sense in the world that someone of Heidi’s stature would give them the A-OK. Heidi was recently given a brand-new Apple Gigapod music player and the first batch of songs she downloaded was by the group Juliette Lewis and the Licks!!!

BFF for Juliette and Heidi??? Neither girl is telling and truth be told, it’s none of our beeswax. Just enjoy the music like Heidi does!!

Heidi M. and Ashley Dupre—Absolutely no connection!!!!

This office has been inundated with calls and questions this morning regarding fresh rumors about a possible “link” between Heidi and shamed New York state call girl Ashley Dupre. No one, and I repeat absolutely no one, not even the most poisonous reptiles in the Heidi hater crowd, are saying Heidi was involved or worked for the Emperor’s Club prostitution ring of harlots and low-born women. BUT, and this is an important distinction, certain unnamed “spies” are claiming Heidi and this Dupre may have “exchanged words” in the VIP room of the famous Chelsea nightclub Stereo in the autumn of 2007. Unlikely, yes, but not impossible!!!

Let’s examine: Dupre is certainly capable of using various carnal means of getting into a VIP section she has no earthly justification being in, so she may have, physically, been inside the velvet ropes the fateful night in question. But Heidi talk to such a tramp? If ANY words were exchanged, Heidi probably thought Dupre was a waitress or washroom attendant wandering by and maybe, just maybe, placed an order for a bottle of super-premium vodka with her. She would have absolutely nothing to say to this woman beyond that. Do you honestly think they have anything in common? Does Heidi Fleiss have anything in common with Katie Holmes-Cruise? Does Jenna Jameson have anything in common with Jennifer Garner-Affleck? Of course not!! A whore is a whore is a whore. There are no “whore” celebrities. Heidi Montag is an A-list celebrity and is treated as such, deservedly so. These stories and rumors will quickly go the way of the Dodo—crushed by the wheels of time.

Has Mickey Rourke gotten a tattoo of Heidi?

Sources in southern Florida can’t stop gabbing about a run-in with famous Oscar-nominated actor Mickey Rourke at a popular cabana bar over the weekend. He wasn’t the only one—this is Florida we’re talking about, folks--but Mickey was stripped to the waist during an afternoon-long session throwing back Mai Tais like they were going out of style. Everyone in attendance couldn’t help notice he was sporting tattoo “cover-up tape” over his one pectoral. It was obviously the result of a brand-new tattoo. When some eager female fans asked to see what it was, he obliged and removed the bandage. In the most shocking news in some time, it was a head to toe portrait of Heidi from her world-famous “Higher” video!!!!!!!! The girls recognized her immediately but Mickey wasn’t playing ball. First he said it was Anna Nicole Smith and then he said Jessica Simpson.

C’mon Mick, quit taking the mick!!!!! We know you love Heidi! And you know what? One of Heidi’s favorite movies is this Mickey Rourke vehicle from way back when. So Heidi loves you, too!!

Heidi Montag New York Central Park Photos officially released!

Not surprisingly, news agencies the world over have scrambled for the rights to these latest pictures. These pictures were taken by professional photographers in various “on-location” locations around New York City. Heidi is most famously known as a Rocky Mountain/West Coast girl but being in New York didn’t faze her one bit!!!

New York is universally acknowledged as a fashion center capital so naturally what we had here was a classic fish-to-water situation. New Yorkers are traditionally the toughest audience to win over and they loved Heidi!! Fans rushed from one hot spot to the next to wish her well. Heidi returned this adulation with the greatest gift at her disposal, a prolonged appearance of her beautiful smile.

A possible third home for Heidi a la a pied a terre on Upper East Side? Word in the halls of the NY dailies is that real estate agents have been contacted!!!!!!!

The Next Julia Childs?

Evidently, negotiations have been initiated between Heidi’s management and the Pax Food Corporation. Pax is quite keen for Heidi to become their “official” spokesperson for the Pressata line of lunch sandwiches. THE ENTIRE LINE including the Arizona Turkey, Chicken Vera Cruz and Mozzarella Pesto Melt. Pressata is a trademarked business term, meaning that ONLY Pax has exclusive rights to market and sell sandwiches under this name.

If you live in a big city, you’ve seen these restaurants and you know they are easily the most upscale “white-collar” lunch destination in town. Pressata sandwiches sell for about twice what other “normal” sandwiches cost the lunchtime consumer. Heidi will most certainly glamorize this brand even further. Sources say point-of-sales collateral could include life-sized cardboard cutouts placed in every existing Pax retail outlet in America.!!

This deal really has the potential for business story of the year…only eight more months and we’ll know for sure!!!

Idiots can’t see the joke!! (What a surprise)

People are running off their mouths about how Heidi has recently stated that she wanted some rear end surgery done. Of course this was all spoken to the reporter “tongue in cheek” which means that Heidi was joking with the reporter about this particular procedure, which as far as I know no doctor has ever even performed. But no, people have to read everything “word for word” and then chime their two cents in about how it is “monstrous” and “unnatural” and perversions of nature. Can’t you even realize a joke for a joke? Heidi is making fools of you and still you bark like stray, mangy dogs about a pure fantasy world that would never in a million years materialize. Heidi knew this quote would be attributed as part of a cover story in InTouch magazine. InTouch magazine has something like fifty gazillion readers per weekly annum. So why wouldn’t she say that??????

Did Heidi Fleiss steal Heidi’s Name?

This is incredible news. Certain outlets are substantiating claims that Heidi Fleiss is now trying to attach herself to Heidi Montag’s rocketship fame, by buying adwords like ‘Heidi” in certain internet search engines that lead unsuspecting ‘net consumers to her website, which is filled with unsavory pictures and innuendo. Just when you think the rock is turned over and all the bugs have crawled out, here comes the biggest one of the bunch!!!! The sad thing is there is nothing Heidi M. or her lawyers can do about it. They have exhausted all legal means!!!! Hopefully the Hollywood Madam will run out of money soon. Nobody is buying her clothes. Nor have they ever!!!! Fleiss may think people are dumb zombies that will gobble up whatever trash she lays out for them but humanity is just a bit too sharp for this witch. HMIB eagerly awaits her downfall!!!!

Heidi’s Wedding: Televised Live, Television History

Is there anyone in their right mind who doesn’t think this is going to be a number one ratings sweeps winner of a show??? It’ll take months to negotiate all the contracts and sponsor sign-ups who will want to be involved, so we’re looking at late summer fall/early autumn nuptials AT THE EARLIEST. A fall wedding somewhere like the Berkshires would be beautiful, but a summer “beach” wedding gives Heidi many more choices. Saint Bart’s? Hawaii? Cape Kennebunkport? The cameras and publicity would follow her anywhere so that is not the problem. The tie-ups will occur once the lawyers get involved because the amount of money that is going to be involved will be mind-blowing. But rest assured, it will get worked out. Will it be an “invitation only” type wedding? Please!! What are you talking about? Of course it will be!

Heidi to Possibly meet Pope?

This rumor has also started to blow around the alleyways of the internet. And of course, more snickering, more derision. Heidi is not perfect, but are the other people meeting the Pope absolutely pure? Let he who casteth out the first stone, the Good Book says. I agree completely. Heidi has never claimed to be an expert on religion. Who is? There is so much that is unknowable! But this Pope, who grew up in the TV age, is certainly aware of the Cruises, the Tom Hanks, and the like. So of course he knows all about Heidi!!! And he would be delighted to meet her, of course. They both drive Mercedes Benz automobiles. Are you jealous of that???????????????

‘Bolt-Ons’---Unacceptable Term!!!!

Earlier this afternoon there was an article that made graphic reference to Heidi’s chest area—calling it “Bolt-Ons.” This is filth and probably libel, too. I mean I realize the internet is a free of censorship zone and I agree in principle, but can’t we just for once operate on a little bit of a higher plane? Where dignity and restraint can reign instead of junior high school level “slang terms?” Heidi made a choice and she is happy with it. But no, OTHER people can’t be happy—they can never be happy unless they are slandering something—if someone looks good they’ve got to say “you don’t look good.” Anything for controversy. These are the same sort of people who call Heather Mills “Hopalong.” It is disgusting and once again, actionable behavior if we take the time to analyze it on a word by word basis. Would you call Sammy Davis Jr. “Glass Head” or “Cyclops?”

Heidi WILL NOT do a Hills movie. That decision is her right to choose!!!

I know a lot of “Hills” fans are piling into Heidi this week about her not wanting to bring the show up onto the big screen, but lest we forget, it is her choice—not the producers or manager’s choice about this movie.

It’s no secret that Denzel Washington (a multiple Oscar winner AND nominee) has expressed some very earnest interest in putting Heidi in one of his next movie vehicles. So why on earth would she do a blown-up TV show in the movie theatre? It just doesn’t make sense in any iota of thinking. A Hills movie would have to be Rated G. There is simply more money to be made in an R-rated movie starring a multiple Golden Globe and Oscar winner. Denzel fits that bill. And he wants Heidi to work with him!!! He’s said so more than once.

So back off!!! Once this Denzel movie is wrapped, then and maybe then will Heidi entertain the Hills movie vehicle. Patience will be justly rewarded.

Heidiwood clothing line and critics thereof

It seems like the fashion critics and other wannabees are having a “field day” shooting down Heidi’s clothing line—which is called HeidiWood. They are saying that it is trash or whatever. I don’t know a whole lot about women’s clothing but most of these smart-ass critics who have been saying this stuff have been males of the homosexual variety. What the heck does a gay man know about woman’s clothes???? Men wear Men’s clothes, no matter what their sexual preferences. No Male is ever fit to judge clothes a woman has designed and that are meant to be worn by a woman. That’s it. End of story.

More on this later….

NY and now LA

Just heard the news that Heidi was in New York. Of course I find out about it (through something as old-fashioned as a newspaper) on the very day the airplane whooshes her back to the mansion in her west coast home. Just my luck!!!! LOL

Apparently Heidi stayed at the Plaza Hotel. There is a waiting list for this hotel but it's not surprising that they will open this or bump some people back for celebrity guests. Heidi got in no problem!!!! The Plaza is one of the richest hotels in NY and also in any other city if you want to compare.

There are rumors swirling about several new TV shows in the works featuring Heidi in the "main character" role

Heidi Channel a future possibility? LOL!!!!

Heidi 24-7, that would be something for the ages....even Trump never reached those Heights!!!!!