LiLo: “I’d rather be dating Heidi!!!!”

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are currently the reigning lesbian couple in the celebrity world. They are so young and glamorous they make the former reigning Queen and Queen—Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi--look as forlorn and ancient as Eleanor Roosevelt and Gertrude Stein. But being at the top still isn’t good enough for Lindsay and who can blame her? She is an A+ List star but her girlfriend the disc jockey is a B- List Star at best, and some would even put her at D+ depending on what part of the country you live in. Lindsey knows she deserves better and she’s recently informed close friends that she has her sights set on a girl she feels would be her perfect “girl toy.” But wait just a minute here!!! Granted, Heidi has always touted Herbie: Fully Loaded as her favorite all-time movie, but that is NOT a betrayal of her heterosexuality. That movie should have been an Oscar-winner and, yes, Lindsay’s performance was a good one, but we all know it was Herbie's show. Heidi loves him--he’s probably the funniest car in the history of movies, even better than the animated ones in Cars and certainly more lovable than Christine. But how does that make her a lesbian, Lindsay???? Keep your sick fantasies to yourself. Heidi wants to raise a family someday, and last time we checked, “eating at the Y” is NOT a form of procreation. It’s all in the Holy Bible if you’d take 5 seconds to read it!!!!

Heidi texts note of encouragement to William Hung!!!

Singer/Dancer William Hung is one of the most recognized entertainers in show business today. His sunny disposition and “never-say-quit” demeanor in the face of unspeakable tragedy on American Idol was something people from all walks of life drew strength from. His popularity is so pervasive, he is sometimes referred to as the “World’s Mascot.” What most people don’t know is that William has struggled his whole life-- fighting and WINNING battles against epilepsy, weight control, corns, hammertoes, and acute dipsomania to emerge a better person who is beloved by all. Heidi is also beloved by all, so she knows how demanding the life of a celebrity can be. Therefore she has taken time out of her busy schedule to PERSONALLY text a note of encouragement and solace to William. It’s nobody’s business what actual words were used, but we can all rest assured Heidi’s missive was heartfelt, sincere and flowing with prose every bit as beautiful and brilliant as her golden locks. William Hung, you have been touched by an angel!!!

Heidi Chosen for Internet Banner Ad Marketing Campaign!!!!

We’ve all seen them and we all love them. You can’t visit AOL, Hotmail or even NFL.com without spying one. They are those adorable banner ads featuring various glamorous people bustin’ out their best dance moves. These ads are indisputably the most popular internet sensation of 2008 and Heidi is the latest celebrity to be asked to contribute to this viral phenomenon. She is going to be using the signature dance routine she immortalized in her seaside music video “Higher.” Yes, a miniaturized and digitized “virtual Heidi” will be “shakin’ her thang” on banners for the LowerMyBills.com website. It’s no surprise Heidi has been asked to contribute--she has already been rated the #1 Most Searched Keyword on the entire World Wide Web for four months running. In fact, her name in combination with other words, most notably “best singer” “biggest reality TV star” “shag-o-licious” and “America’s most beautiful woman” take up five of the top ten spots on Web Search engines the world over. Previous “Queens of the Internet” like Chinese gymnast He Kexin and television coquette Tila Tequila have been pushed aside by the enormity of Heidi’s popularity, but it’s not her fault if people love her!!!! God, stop your whining, bitches!!!!

Heidi “disgusted” by Oompa-Loompas!!!!

Heidi was recently among the A-List crowd at Hugh Hefner’s Playboy Mansion for a special 35th Anniversary screening of the cult movie “Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” Heidi had heard of this movie, but never seen it before and it turned out to be quite an event for her. Witnesses at the party all agree that at the first sight of the diminutive orange-hued factory slaves colloquially known as “Oompa-Loompas,” Heidi passed out cold and had to be carried from the screening room. Some of the big names in attendance were Benihana heiress Devon Aoki, comedian Louie Anderson, video actor Dick Rambone, Bangles lead singer Susanna Hoffs and FDNY Fire Commissioner Nicholas Scoppetta. Every guest in attendance was shocked and disappointed that the host of this party, the rumored-to-be-senile Hugh Hefner, would wantonly expose Heidi to images of these vile half-men. Heidi was too gracious a guest to speak out loud about this violation of her sensibilities, but her attorneys may not be so reticent!!!!

John Mark Karr begs Heidi to star in his movie!!!!

It has now been confirmed by Heidi’s handler’s that her film industry agents have been contacted by the agents of John Mark Karr, the former schoolteacher who rose to dizzying heights of notoriety in the JonBenet Ramsey missing persons case some years back. Mr. Karr has been quietly living in Fulton County, Georgia as of late and he has been using his time wisely. He has recently completed a screenplay entitled Sorority Row Angel that tells the story of a beautiful and innocent blonde girl’s freshman year of college. And John Mark Karr himself has hand-picked Heidi to play the lead role!!! This project is being pitched as an 80’s style “hi-jinks” type movie complete with panty raids, hidden cameras in the sorority house showers, lesbian initiation rites and a HUGE food fight that takes place at a co-ed beach volleyball tournament. It is going to be filmed on location at a real college--the University of Colorado in Boulder. What is great about this is that Heidi grew up in Colorado so she will have no trouble playing this part. She is an A-list star and this movie will make millions!!! So Heidi of course should be paid MILLIONS to act in it. What part of that don’t you understand?????

Heidi to finally receive prize from William F. Buckley’s will!!!!

Conservatives and Liberals alike were saddened to hear about the final passing of National Review founder William F. Buckley earlier this calendar year. What most people don’t realize is that WFB, as he was affectionately known, and Heidi Montag shared a “pen pal” relationship for over a decade, starting when Heidi was a little girl growing up in Colorado. They were both staunch traditionalists in so many things-- eschewing emails and even text messaging to instead correspond via letter, utilizing old-fashioned paper and pen. They always used stationery from Smythson of Bond Street and ink pens from Mont Blanc. They had so much to talk about that at some points they were trading four and five letters a week!!!! And all through the U.S. Mail, which is STILL the best bargain available if one needs to ship small items like letters or compact disc recordings that have been sold on Ebay or Half.com. Mr. Buckley’s will was recently executed and it turns out he left Heidi a prize—to be hers for the remainder of her natural life. It is none of our business exactly what this item was, but it is great to know that Heidi was remembered in WFB’s last will and testament. Heidi still thinks of him every day!!!!

Heidi finalizing plans to adopt the “Montauk Monster!!”

This is an animal shunned by all, but Heidi’s heart is so enormous she has bid her handlers to make arrangements with the Long Island Animal Welfare Board granting Heidi and her estate sole legal custody of it. Yes, even though it is ugly and even though it is dead, Heidi’s love of animals is so all-encompassing that she is willing to open her HOME to this monstrous beast. Never before has nature spewed forth from its unwiped bowels a creature so sickening, so nauseating, so hideous to the eye and STILL Heidi’s heart and motives are so pure that the world-famous Montauk Monster will no longer be forced to forlornly lie on the beach, rotting in the sun. Heidi’s home is filled with the finest hand-made Amish furniture. A personalized Bugatti Veyron sits gleaming in her garage, which is so big it is not even connected to her house!!! Her draperies are fashioned from the finest gossamer and her wall-to-wall carpeting is as thick as the grass on a country club fairway. She has art on the walls from all the great artists of Europe and even Canada. Not exactly a pigpen, and yet she has unselfishly agreed to welcome this bloated, putrescent THING into her place of residence. Most of the locals have been demanding that the Montauk Monster be weighed down with old truck transmissions and sunk to the deepest part of the ocean with the whale droppings and muck. Heidi says no. Her unselfishness and kindness to pets sets an example for one and all. Are you paying attention, Michael Vick!!!

Heidi volunteers to be decoy for Hope Solo in Beijing!!!!

The Summer Olympics are barreling towards all of us like an out of control 18 wheeler and you know for sure the USA is gonna win!!! We won’t take all the medals, but most of them will be ours. One of our best teams is the US Women’s Soccer Football team. They have been world champions many times over. This is going to be a great Olympics for them, but one of the most unfortunate things about having to travel abroad to compete is the ever-present specter of death threats from disgruntled, and to put it quite bluntly, insane fans. It seems some of the comments #1 U.S. goalkeeper Hope Solo recently made about the Chinese people and their outmoded form of government have raised the ire of a certain number of residents of this COMMUNIST country. As a US citizen, she has the God-Given RIGHT to say whatever she wants. Unfortunately, some foreigners disagree, and even if you manage to inflame the passions of just 1/10 of 1% of a population of a sprawling country whose citizens number well over a billion—well, the figures are astronomical. Beautiful, blonde athlete Hope Solo is in serious trouble over this and the U.S. Olympic committee has entered in agreements with Heidi for Heidi to act as a decoy or “Fake Hope Solo” for the fortnight the games will be held. She will travel with the team, be seen at ceremonial functions with the team and may even spend some time in goal during early round matches to ensure that the real Hope Solo remains under the cover of security and in perfect condition to lead our Stars and Stripes girls to Victory. It is a dangerous undertaking but Heidi is not afraid. She believes in the USA. And so should all of us!!!

Travolta: L. Ron Hubbard would have married Heidi!!!

John Travolta is an actor, father of several children and staunch advocate of preserving our nation’s covered bridges. L. Ron Hubbard was one of the “leading lights” of the ancient Scientological Church and also a noted seer, coxswain and man of letters. He is dead now, but to marry such a man would literally transfer unto this lucky female the coveted mantle of Queen. And guess what? Heidi is the Chosen One!!! John Travolta unhesitatingly cited Heidi’s good humor, kindness to animals, singing voice, kitchen skills and All-American good looks before bestowing upon her this highest of honors. And that’s not all--he continued by saying that the way Heidi has handled her incredible fame over the years is “unprecedented in recorded history.” Geez, do you think he likes Heidi??? Well, he is not a dumb man, that’s for sure. He danced with Princess Diana!!! Do you remember that magical night? What is fantastic is that this is not mere speculation. As a ranking Thetan of the 41st Imperial Operating Level, John Joseph Travolta is actually in daily contact with the “Barn Boss” of the ancient Scientological Church. His name? L. Ron Hubbard!!!! And yes, he is in LOVE with Heidi!!!!

Heidi to host Five Day “SAVE HD-DVD” telethon!!!

This incredible news will soon be a reality August 5-10, 2008 at Indianapolis Motor Speedway as Heidi Montag has been contracted to be the host for a five day music and entertainment spectacular to raise money from the good people of America to help save the HD-DVD format of DVD consumer movie disc-playing electronic devices. Millions of people, including Heidi, have purchased these machines in GOOD FAITH and now the shady “powers that be” have deemed these machines “worthless” even though they are in perfect working order. It’s like state-sanctioned murder!!!! Some of the acts that have agreed to help by performing at this extravaganza are Jason Schwartzman’s rock ‘n’ roll music band Phantom Planet, comedian Don Rickles, popular magician act CRiSS ANgel MINDFREAK, cherished wild animal trainers Siegfried and Roy, noted boxing legend Gerry Cooney, Personal “Chef to the Stars” Bobby Flay, the architect Donald Trump, “Lost” screenwriter Damon Lindelhof and European thrush Grande Dauphine Lady Celine Dion. This program will run for five days straight on the Univision television network and will indeed be the first program in that station’s history to be broadcast entirely in English. Heidi is giving nearly a week of her life for this historic event and we should all help her out BY TRASHING any Blu-Ray machines our family or friends may own. It’s only right!!!!!

Heidi to play lead in “The Amanda Peet Story!!!”

Hollywood agents have their tongues a’cluckin’ louder than the Perdue Factory Farms Chicken Ranch at recent news concerning Heidi Montag’s first ever Major Network “Movie of the Week” role in the highly-anticipated mini-series biopic “The Amanda Peet Story.” Heidi is justifiably excited about this role even though she obviously is going to have to dye her hair a much darker color than her natural blond hair color. Amanda Peet is best known and loved for her role as the crazy girlfriend in “Saving Silverman” but there has been much more to her life than just acting and Heidi is going to do a great job portraying the ups and downs of “making it” in New York City acting circles. It isn’t always a pretty picture but Heidi is not going to shy away from even the most sordid details of the infamous “early days” of Amanda Peet’s life. There may be some nude scenes but Heidi is not afraid because she is a BRAVE actress. This movie is going to have Neilsen home ratings boxes trembling like a freakin’ earthquake just hit town!!!

Heidi elected Emergency Spice Girl!!!!

The Spice Girls reunion tour of 2007-2008 was by far the highest-grossing concert on record. Adults young and old and kids of every size and age packed into the stadiums like sardines for the sole purpose of seeing five talented ladies “strut their stuff.” UNFORTUNATELY, there is always a bad apple in the bunch and this time around Ms. Emma Bunton a.k.a. “Baby Spice” is the wormy, rotten fruit in question. She RUINED it for everyone because she couldn’t get along with the other girls. Her behavior was reprehensible--there is even a rumor that she piddled into a plate of Scary Spice’s food when Scary Spice turned away to take a phone call. That is disgusting and racist!! Because of her refusal to continue on with the tour it had to be cancelled. The other girls were heartbroken and they are dying to reschedule the tour dates. Emma Bunton basically CHEATED millions of fans out of their rights. But what can they do??? Well, here comes Heidi!!! She is going to be the newest Spice Girl and her nickname of course is going to be Glamour Girl Spice. In England they spell Glamour differently!! Apparently the Spice Girls were downloading Heidi’s song like crazy when it first came out and, well, when the spot opened up for an “Emergency” Spice Girl, her name immediately vaulted to the top of the list. ALL the food on this tour will be paid for by the record company. And drinks, too!!! All Heidi has to do is show up and sing her heart out. And you know that’s exactly what she’s going to do!!!! There isn’t a stadium built on Earth that can hold all her fans!!!

The Devil Wears Prada to be remade with Heidi!!!

The Devil Wears Prada was a pretty good movie but did anyone notice how unglamorous and mousy the lead actress Jane Hathaway was?? Well, the “big guns” in Hollywood did and they are putting plans in motion to remake the movie with Heidi in the starring role as the “It” girl assistant to famous editor Miranda Priestly of Runway magazine. The casting of this inspired remake is a who’s who of current Hollywood Royalty. Take a look:

Heidi Montag as Andy Sachs (the Midwest “Glamour Girl” who comes to be famous in NY)
Nicole Richie as Miranda Priestly (the evil fashion magazine editor and Heidi’s boss)
RuPaul as Nigel (the gay employee who befriends Andy and gives her free clothes)
Grand Dame Judy Dench as Emily (the snobby British fashion-nut who is assistant to Miranda and who is jealous of Heidi)
Jackie Earle Haley as Christian Thompson (the famous writer who seduces Heidi)
Kevin Dillon as Nate (Heidi’s boyfriend who wants to be a chef)
Jada Pinkett-Smith as Lily (Heidi’s black lesbian friend)
Guest stars Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen as the Priestly Twins (the little girls who read the Harry Potter book Heidi steals for them)

With a cast like that the batting average on this movie is bound to be 1,000%. Preorders for DVDs are through the roof and it hasn’t even been shot yet! Release will be late 2009 so we have to wait awhile. But you know it will be worth it!!! Heidi DESIGNS clothes so of course she is a natural for this role. Expect popcorn and candy sales to be up during screenings of this film, also, as Heidi’s fans are definitely from an upscale demographic!!!!

Heidi Hand-Chosen to be OFFICIAL Pallbearer at Funeral of Yves Saint Laurent

The world lost a fashion giant a few days ago, but of course there are always new and up and coming designers who are going to make fashion history no matter who came before. The people closest to Yves Saint Laurent as his long illness worked its way to the end are unanimous about one thing and that is that he regarded Heidi and her Heidiwood clothing line as the hands-down best of the “new breed” of California-based fashion pioneers. So it’s coming as no surprise to anyone in the industry that the last will and testament of Yves Saint Laurent specified specifically that Heidi be one of the pallbearers at Yves Saint Laurent’s funeral in the fashion capital of Paris. There were even rumors flying around over the weekend that the funeral was being moved to southern California in tribute to Heidi, but of course that is ridiculous. Yves Saint Laurent was many things but he was not an American, so how could he expect to be buried on American soil? Like I already said once—ridiculous!!! Heidi has had to cancel and rearrange more than half a dozen business appointments in order to attend this funeral but as usual she is handling these setbacks with her GOD-GIVEN aplomb. Yves Saint Laurent’s “grandma-type” clothes are just a bit too old-fashioned for a girl like Heidi, but she knows her fashion history. Of course, Heidi is in great shape physically, but she is female so even though she is an OFFICIAL pallbearer at this funeral, she will not be forced to carry the actual coffin. Arrangements have been made to have a cashmere blanket spread over the front half of the casket and Heidi will be asked to sit up there as the procession moves through the street of Paris and local church bells toll out the news that another life has been lost. People, it is quite obvious this is going to be the fashion event of the year, so Heidi has respectfully asked that she be permitted to wear her own clothing line and this request has been granted without hesitation.

Heidi to launch Anti-Rabies Campaign for Kids and Seniors!!!!

Heidi loves animals and the most painful thing for her is to see a rabid animal running riot and threatening innocent people. It is a tragedy for all concerned and Heidi has long been agonizing over these cases. Again, she LOVES animals! Although she personally does not have the time to own or care for an animal, it is pure torture for her to read articles and see clips of animals infected with rabies thrashing around and being poked with sticks. The problem is that these animals WILL NOT go off on their own and die. A rabid raccoon or squirrel driven mad by this disease can easily chew through a screen door and invade an otherwise peaceful home!!! Or hide in the backseat of a car waiting to attack the unsuspecting driver. This shouldn’t be happening and Heidi knows this. She is going to be writing and illustrating a COMIC BOOK to help make young kids and senior citizens more aware of the dangers they face when confronted with rabid animals. By nature, most children and geriatrics trust cute animals IMPLICITLY. By creating the beloved character Foamy the Rabid Raccoon, and employing him in her comic book, Heidi is doing a great service to the people of rural areas and even suburban areas that have encroached on wildlife habitats. Foamy will teach, through words and song, that it is DANGEROUS to touch or try to pet an infected animal. We should all be thankful to Heidi for creating him!!!!

Warren Buffet finds Heidi “inspirational”

Warren Buffet is well-known as the world’s richest man, but more importantly he is the richest man in America. You would think a man his age, (he’s in his seventies) would be out of touch with popular culture but Warren is smarter than you think. His favorite star is Heidi Montag!!! He watches TV like anyone else and he has long held a soft spot in his heart for America’s favorite blond. It just makes good business sense!!! He even told attendees at the annual Berkshire Hathaway shareholders meeting that he found Heidi’s presence on national TV “inspirational.” That is great news and Heidi thinks he is a VERY sweet old man. A grandpa figure for her!!!! But when you look closer, Forbes magazine has calculated that Warren Buffet is so rich he could personally give every person in America, even the illegal aliens, $5,000 dollars and still have money left over. Doesn’t it make you wonder WHY HE DOESN’T DO THIS? There is no need to amass that kind of money. Are you a “good man” or some greedy swine??? I mean, there are people starving, and even the people who aren’t could sure use that money to help them pay off some bills. Why do you need a literal mountain of money to sit on???? Help the "little guy" out. Heidi does!!! If she inspires you so much, put words into action. Let no good DEED remain unturned!!!!

Heidi to babysit The Baby Suri!!!!!

People who follow the glossies know that only six human beings on Earth have been allowed to physically touch The Baby Suri, the first-born daughter of “power couple” Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes of Ohio. Well, news coming in early today is that Heidi may indeed be the seventh. She has been personally recruited by Tom Cruise via mobile cellular device to be the next babysitter for The Baby Suri!!! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes of Ohio can’t stay cooped up in their home every night of the week. It’s unfair to them!!! So Heidi to the rescue YET AGAIN!! She loves children and apparently The Baby Suri has been pointing at Heidi’s picture in different magazines and saying “Na--neee” in a VERY loud, longing voice. The Baby Suri is ALWAYS turning to the pages with Heidi on them!! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes of Ohio love it!!! They know The Baby Suri has a mind of her own. They have always stressed that their daughter is going to be HER OWN GIRL and not some Hollywood robot. So go out and have a great time, you two. Heidi has everything under control. She and The Baby Suri are best friends!!!!

Heidi condemns Fritzl—possible adoption???

The latest dispatch from Heidi’s handlers is that she is so upset about this monster Josef Fritzl who kept his own family hostage in an underground tunnel system that she is weighing the legal ramifications of offering to adopt ALL the Fritzl family children. Heidi will welcome each child into her home personally, even the one who hops about like a monkey and can’t speak English. This is called UNCONDITIONAL love and Heidi has already picked out several outfits from her Heidiwood line of clothing for the kids to wear. They are going to love the Hollywood lifestyle and Heidi is doing this for THEM and not her own personal gain. Raising children costs money and Heidi is not afraid to spend it!! It will be a long road, but of course Heidi is going to have access to the best teachers and nannies that America can produce. And of course the best in America is the best in the world!!! What kind of IDIOT would think otherwise???? Even if these children had been raised in a NORMAL home by NORMAL people they still wouldn’t have had a chance to be a success or be famous because of the country the lived in. Austria is just not good enough when you compare it to the best in the business! Remember, it’s not bragging if you can back it up!!!!!

Oprah gushes about Heidi: "She reminds me of me!!!"

Oprah Winfrey has made television history more than once whether it be by giving away cars, being the first to break big news stories or even just having political candidates on to talk about their policies. But rarely does Oprah give out that one thing that so many of us are dying for: Praise. Usually she just sits back and lets people talk about themselves. That is her specialty and her gift. But when recently asked to give her thoughts on who are the brightest lights of the upcoming generation of stars, Oprah was quick to single out Heidi Montag as the best of the bunch. She even went so far as to compare herself to Heidi!!! That is fantastic news. Heidi isn’t a big fan of the Oprah TV show, but of course she respects Oprah’s accomplishments. Oprah is a billionaire after all!!! Heidi has the drive and determination Oprah has, plus the added bonus of having more varied talents than Oprah. As far as acting goes, we all know Oprah was in that slave movie and in “Ghost” but Heidi is on a #1 TV show!! And have you ever heard Oprah sing? Come on, Heidi has the #1 Video Internet Song!! Furthermore, no one is going to want to watch Oprah on the beach in a bikini!! Heidi? No problem—they will watch all day! And they have and will CONTINUE to do so!!! So why wouldn’t you take Oprah for her word?? She is shrewd enough to recognize her failings in comparisons to Heidi’s strengths and brave enough to say it out loud!!!! Good job, Oprah!!

Heidi did NOT refer to Amy Winehouse as a “Chicken Head!!”

There was some mass confusion the other day when Heidi was misquoted by a journalist from one of the large British music magazines. And now we have this. The truth is, Amy Winehouse has never been one of Heidi’s favorites. She’s just too skeezy!!!! And the music, well, Heidi has never even listened to it. She likes brighter, positive music, not this gloom and doom Goth stuff. But FACT: Heidi does not need to resort to name-calling. NOR would she!!!! On the streets of high-crime “drug areas,” Chicken Heads are known by all to be the lowest of the low. They are females, and males, too, who trade unprotected oral sexual favors for drugs. How would Heidi even know what that term is or what it means?? She has never touched drugs and her handlers make sure that no one who traffics in that stuff gets anywhere near her. Did you see what happened to Heath Ledger???? He died because unsavory characters he had met in dive bars lacking proper VIP sections pumped him full of drugs until his heart stopped. Heidi knows it is a slippery slope so she would never be caught with even so much as a cold capsule!!! Amy Winehouse means NOTHING to Heidi. Most normal people have no idea who Amy Winehouse is. The facts speak for themselves!!!

Heidi unwittingly dragged into Fax Spam Scam!!!

Those of us who are “white-collar” workers have all seen unsolicited faxes clogging up the company fax machine and wasting valuable time, ink and paper. These unwanted “office pests” usually come slithering out of the machine with promises of cut-rate Mexican Cruise vacations or “buy one get one free” Disney weddings, but recent weeks have seen a spate of highly dubious faxes hitting the inboxes of Fortune 500 companies promising free Heidiwood shopping sprees to unsuspecting fashionistas. Of course reaction to this offer has been immediate and enthusiastic! There is ONE small problem, however. Heidi herself has never authorized this, nor has the company who makes and sells her clothes. It is a LIE, a TRICK, and Heidi is practically in tears over this wholesale swindling of her fans. HMIB is proud to be one of several media outlets Heidi’s handlers have asked to try and turn this sick hoax around for the better. So I AM TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW. Do not fall for this fax. Ball it up. Shred it. Burn it. (Outside, please!!) But do not call or email the number given on the fax. It is just putting money in the pockets of lazy bums who have done NOTHING and get everything in return. It’s not fair to Heidi!!!!! Why would she GIVE AWAY clothes??? They are not rags!!! There ought to be laws against this!

Heidi will be doing backup vocals for the The Boss!!!

Music biz insiders have known for months that “The Boss” (given name: Bruce Springsteen) is feverishly working on a concept double CD album about the current foreclosure crisis of American homes. This is going to be an “all-star” cast type project with David Gilmour, Tommy Lee, Lionel Richie, Eric Burdon and Aimee Mann from Til’Tuesday all lending a hand. But did you know that Bruce has personally picked Heidi to be the official backing singer for this record??? And she’s not going to be there just to look pretty and shake a tambourine. Bruce has given her full privileges to make musical suggestions and even add some lyrical ideas. Heidi is not even close to losing her homes in Beverly Hills or Colorado because she has plenty of cash on hand to make the payments, but she has EMPATHY and knows what it’s like to lose a home you’ve sacrificed everything for. Do you think Bruce Springsteen just wakes up one morning and decides to do this??? No, he has asked Heidi to be a part of this for a reason and that reason is that he KNOWS that she is an uber-talented singer! And do you think for one moment this Rock n Roll Hall of Fame inductee might know what he’s talking about?? Ya think?????????????

Heidi to be new voice of Commerce Bank’s Penny Arcade!!

Most banks are going out of business faster than the crow flies because of this mortgage loan crisis, but Commerce Bank is the world’s fastest growing bank. Most of the major movie stars have accounts at Commerce and Heidi is no exception. Recently she had a discussion with the President and CEO of the bank and now it is official!! Heidi is going to lend her voice to Penny Arcade, the automated change-counting machines located at every branch of Commerce Bank, USA. You do NOT have to be a Commerce Bank customer to use Penny Arcade!!! It is a great and invaluable service but some concerned folks have made some very germane and negative comments about the voice that is used to guide customers through the time-consuming process counting their submitted change. The majority of people have described it as “childish” and “creepy” so, once again, Heidi to the rescue!! She has booked studio time and she is going to re-record EVERY SINGLE phrase that Penny/Heidi says in a professional setting with professional sound engineers and staff. People are going to love this “new look and sound” Penny Arcade! Bear in mind that Commerce does not charge for this service!!!

Heidi to Clooney: “Leatherheads” No Good!!!

Reports are surfacing of a brief tete-a-tete that took place over the weekend at one of the world’s most popular bars in LA—which shall remain unnamed here. (HMIB is NOT a free advertising service!) Heidi and Hollywood tastemaker George Clooney happened to be in the VIP room at the same time, so of course they engaged in some light conversation. Apparently Heidi spoke her mind to George about his latest (flop) movie and she gave him her honest, unvarnished opinion. And George loved it!!! He has always been one of Tinseltown’s “coolest customers” and he has done so much for the poor people of Africa that we can all learn a lesson from his actions. He can see that the movie is not doing well—the American people have rejected it!!! But the “hows and whys” of its failure are something it takes another big star to spell out. And Heidi did just that!!!! She has had a great run with her TV show, song, and clothing line, so she knows of what she speaks!! And she is a rabid football fan as well (In fact she is very close friends with the Bowlen family who own the Denver Broncos) and George’s movie just did not deliver the goods when it comes to an accurate portrayal of America’s Pastime. It’s not a crime--he’s had so many great movies that people are still going to love him and watch his every move. All in all, though, Heidi was very diplomatic, but the truth had to be told. You can bet his next movie’s going to be better!!!

Uno Italian Food Chain to release Limited Edition Summer Pizza—The Marvelous Montag!!

Uno Italian Food Chain Company has announced the following change to their summer dining menu. Starting June 1st, just in time for the warm weather, they will be offering their valued customers the Marvelous Montag Deep-Dish Pizza. This will be a TRADEMARKED name and the toppings for this pizza are to be hand-picked by Heidi herself. This will be a LIMITED EDITION offering offered only for the three months of Summer. The company WILL NOT be revealing the ingredients of the pizza until the menus are printed and ready to be given to customers, for obvious reasons of security. They can not have small “mom and pop” pizza shops stealing the ingredients and concept of what promises to be a wholly unique pie and top seller in the Uno pizza empire. Heidi has spent a lot of her own PERSONAL time working on the “blueprint” of putting this pizza together. Why would she let someone who’s put absolutely no time or effort walk off with her ideas? That is asinine!!! She wants the people who buy her pizza to get their money’s worth and also to come back time and time again. To buy more pizzas!!! Bear in mind that this will be a “Deep-Dish” pizza packed with delicious ingredients. Deep Dish pizzas have always been regarded as the most upscale pizza pie available for sale. It sounds like this is a win-win-win situation for everyone. 1.) Heidi 2.) The Uno Italian Pizza Company 3.) People who love pizza!!

Uno means “one” in foreign non-English languages and Heidi is #1!!! Talk about a match made in Heaven, this one is positively celestial…congratulations, Heidi!!!

RuPaul’s Nod for Song of the Year 2008—“Higher”

Recording giant RuPaul issued a press release earlier this week to submit her vote for “Dance Song” of the year. Drum roll please because the winner is Heidi Montag’s feel-good hit of the year “Higher!!!!” RuPaul had a #1 song in 1993 with the dancetastic booty-shaker “Supermodel (You Better Work)” so this diva knows what she is talking about. The highest praise any artist can receive is that of her peers so this is great news for Heidi. We all know that “Higher” is a special song and we are not the only ones. Thanks for the kind words, RuPaul, you are fierce!!!!!!!!

Heidi line of cell phones---2009 launch!!

Everybody knows about Vertu cell phones. They are the undisputed “best in the business.” But did you know that this esteemed brand will soon be #2 on the block?? Yes, it is a fact. Word from the patent attorney and legal circles is that business development contracts have been signed between Heidi and the Pantech Cellular Device Manufacturing Company to design and build a new line of exclusive, ultra-premium mobile devices. These aren’t going to be just a phone, people. It will have “on the go” voice mail playback, random internet access, blue tooth wire less technology, remote ignition for any make of import automobile and more.

What makes this one of the most unique deals in the biz is that Heidi is not going to just “put her name on it” she is going to be involved in the design and the research and development of the phone’s “innards.” She wants to make sure her fans are getting the best phone!!! She will be testing the products of the best companies currently extant and then SHE will pick the speaker that sounds best, the keypad that is the best to touch and the longest-lasting battery, etc. Engineers will be there to consult with but Heidi will have the final say. No other celebrity has ever approached a new product launch from this “hands on” angle. Is it no wonder initial orders of this phone are already sold out. And with a price far north of the Vertu, too. But it will be worth it!!!!

Heidi’s Official Portrait officially commissioned to Thomas Kinkade!!

Great news today. Heidi has been agonizing for MONTHS about who to choose to paint her for her official portrait to be donated to the Library of Congress this coming Christmas Day, but the votes are in and Heidi has chosen one of the most well-known and accomplished painters in the world today. Thomas Kinkade is known the world over for his bright, almost heavenly renditions of landscapes and portraits of the world’s most famous people. Seriously, a paintbrush in Thomas’s expert hand is like a magic wand in the fingers of an all-powerful wizard and Heidi knows this. Simply put, this guy can do it all and he’s just as excited as Heidi to get the opportunity to capture her likeness for ages to come. It’s a real mutual admiration society and there is nothing wrong with that. A lot of celebrities and art critics are chomping at the bit to see this painting but listen, folks, it hasn’t been done yet!!! Nor do we know when and where the session will take place…do you think Heidi is crazy??? If the details of this were to become public knowledge it would be a media circus times three!!! The painting will be unveiled at the proper time and place and that’s just the way it’s going to be. But you can bet technologically-savvy Heidi is going to post it on the internet so we will ALL get to see it when it is done. She would not cheat her fans!!!

Heidi making a play for L.A. Gear???

The continuing popularity of Heidi’s “Heidiwood” line of designer clothing is no secret. But there’s more wonderful news forthcoming because word from the top turret of the Montag Mansion is that Heidi is seriously considering re-launching the famous 80’s brand of L.A. Gear footwear to complement her Heidiwood line of best-selling designer clothing. Heidi is a girl on the go, and she knows that most of the pretty, fit girls her age and younger are on the go, too. And who wants to wear stupid, ugly Nikes all the time? These fuddy-duddy sneaker brands like Reebok and Nike just do not cater to the fashion-forward young woman with a lot on her mind. So Heidi to the rescue!!!

L.A. Gear was absolutely the biggest “lifestyle brand” of both the 80’s AND the 90’s and Heidi knows it is much, much easier to re-start an already famous brand than build something from scratch. After all, she’s done both!!! Heidiwood is like Gucci or Prada now!!! In less than one year!! Face it. Heidi knows the fashion industry inside and out, and she knows what her fans want. They want a stylish, fashionable shoe suitable for wearing both to the gym and to dinner at a wonderful restaurant. And it has to be something that girls not as wealthy as Heidi can afford with their own money. Not some super-expensive thing that they are shooting kids for like Air Jordans!!! Heidi would be devastated if one of her fans were killed over shoes. Or killed at all!! No one wants to see people die and that is the point!!!

Starring role for Heidi in “Hans and Franz” reunion movie??

Major news from the major studios today. One of the biggest Hollywood studios extant will be releasing a blockbuster movie in the summer of 2009 featuring the long-awaited reunion and big screen reappearance of Austrian body-building gods “Hans and Franz.” This movie will be released in all 50 states nationwide. The title is pending. Unsurprisingly, Heidi has been tapped for the role of romantic lead/glamour girl in this blockbuster cinematic vehicle. Moles from the screenwriter’s guild are saying that this movie is going to be positioned as a “dark comedy” in which Hans and Franz actually KILL someone because he has harassed Heidi’s character and made her life miserable. Apparently, these guys actually rip this dude apart with their bare hands and the CGI effects in play during this scene are supposed to be tremendous. Sounds gruesome, but the guy deserves it!!!! You do NOT go around harassing ANY woman if she tells you to leave her alone. Heidi is not asking for special treatment, as will be revealed for all to see on the big screen, she told the guy several times to just leave her be but to no avail. She can’t control what Hans and Franz does??!! Like I said, the guy deserved it. There is not a court in the land that would convict and/or disagree.

Heidi Gives Stimulus Check to the Poor!

By now everyone knows about President Bush’s historic decision to personally mail out the 2008 U.S. Government Stimulus Checks to help kick the economy of our home country in gear. But did you know that Heidi has decided to give 100% of the proceeds of her check to a charity in her home state of Colorado???? It’s true!! Heidi is not naming the charity because she believes the recipients have every right to keep their privacy and dignity and Heidi knows that even if she isn’t physically there, the photogs will descend like locusts upon anything she is associated with. We CAN say that it is a long-standing charity established in the 19th century whose purpose and aim is to provide succor to those afflicted with deformities and help them to manufacture a new “lease on life.” Heidi’s donation is going to literally save lives!!!

Heidi’s act of kindness and “thousandth point of light” should make us ALL look inside ourselves and take stock of the last time we tried to help someone. Do something today--it doesn’t have to mean giving away most of the money you make like Heidi or even giving some pocket change to a scary, crazy bum, but it can just be the attitude you carry as you walk around the world. Heidi is always smiling, even when she is devastated from people saying and writing pernicious lies about her. I would SUGGEST you follow her example!!!!

Heidi is extremely saddened to learn about the death of Ling Ling!!

By now we have all heard the shocking news that Ling Ling, the world’s most famous panda, has passed away in its cage at the Tokyo Zoo. Heidi was told the news by her private handlers early this morning and word getting back to the press is that Heidi was very sad to hear about this. Pandas have long been Heidi’s favorite animal!!! Heidi had not had a chance to visit Ling Ling in Tokyo but Heidi has had a picture of Ling Ling as the wallpaper on her top-of-the-line Toshiba laptop for some time now. So of course she is sad!!! We ALL should be. Doctors and lawyers at the zoo are saying that Ling Ling was 70 years old in human years. That is incredible!!! Ling Ling was also very smart--it had learned sign language and was also able to pull around a small wooden cart. Heidi will most likely be issuing an “official” statement on this tragedy soon. Just give her some time to heal, she only heard the news this morning!!!

Looks like Heidi has picked the Bugatti Veyron!!

It’s official!!! Heidi’s personal shopper signed the paperwork Tuesday for Heidi to be placed at the very top of the waiting list for the Bugatti Veyron Fbg par Hermes “Supercar” automobile. This is the world’s fastest car and it is NOT for everyone. It is expensive (I won’t display the bad taste of other bloggers by publishing the price) and it is exclusive. ESPECIALLY the Hermes edition, which in the venerated tradition of this great fashion house will be one of the most luxurious and exclusive means of personal conveyance to be found on the road. ANY road, and that includes the rich Arab countries. Heidi has thought long and hard about this!!! It is her money that she’s earned herself so of course she is going to treat herself. If people have a problem with it they are welcome to save up their money and buy this car!!! Heidi was put at the top of the list because of her long history of working within and without the fashion industry to promote the most glamorous clothes and the most historic brands of luxury. Plus, she is a great driver!!! It is a win-win situation. The staff of Hermes is delighted and word is they are going to treat Heidi to a midnight shopping spree at their beautiful store at Via Bellagio in Las Vegas Nevada. The store will be closed to the public and ONLY Heidi will be allowed to shop!!! You may say that’s not fair, but it’s not fair to Heidi if she has to shop with her fans and the “paps” around because she is just too nice!!! She would never have time to pick out her free stuff!!! The workers at the store can’t stay there all night, just because people want to watch Heidi shop, can they??? And nor should they be asked to!!!!!!

Q Ratings: Latest numbers show Heidi still miles above Miley!!

It’s 15 months running now that Heidi has scored higher than Miley Cyrus on the all-important Q-score celebrity rating scale. Even with this so-called “teen sensation’s” latest preposterous publicity stunt of shameful nude photos in a national magazine, she still doesn’t come close to Heidi’s numbers!!! I shudder to think what “Hannah Montana” will try next. It’s not going to work!! What’s even better is that Heidi’s fans are more mature, wealthier and definitely more fashion forward in today’s day and age. This is what marketers want and what they are looking for.

Could this be why Heidi was recently invited to Washington to privately dine with President George Bush and his First Wife Laura while Miley was nowhere to be seen? Let’s see, what sounds more appealing, spending Saturday night at the White House with the President of a country and a whole slew of A-list celebrities or spending it sitting in some warehouse taking off your clothes for a TOTAL STRANGER with a camera??? We are SORRY, Disney girl, but you are simply not ready to play with the grown-ups yet…

Juliette Lewis and the Licks is Heidi’s Favorite All-Time Band!!!

It’s true…Heidi has confided to close friends and inside handlers that her #1 all time top band is Juliette Lewis and the Licks. This band is led by the irrepressible frontwoman and Oscar-nominated “big-screen” actress Juliette Lewis, who sings and writes the songs. The Licks are her band and they play ALL the instruments. This is a number one charting band with songs on every radio station in America and also both satellite Radio stations. They are stars so it makes all the sense in the world that someone of Heidi’s stature would give them the A-OK. Heidi was recently given a brand-new Apple Gigapod music player and the first batch of songs she downloaded was by the group Juliette Lewis and the Licks!!!

BFF for Juliette and Heidi??? Neither girl is telling and truth be told, it’s none of our beeswax. Just enjoy the music like Heidi does!!

Heidi M. and Ashley Dupre—Absolutely no connection!!!!

This office has been inundated with calls and questions this morning regarding fresh rumors about a possible “link” between Heidi and shamed New York state call girl Ashley Dupre. No one, and I repeat absolutely no one, not even the most poisonous reptiles in the Heidi hater crowd, are saying Heidi was involved or worked for the Emperor’s Club prostitution ring of harlots and low-born women. BUT, and this is an important distinction, certain unnamed “spies” are claiming Heidi and this Dupre may have “exchanged words” in the VIP room of the famous Chelsea nightclub Stereo in the autumn of 2007. Unlikely, yes, but not impossible!!!

Let’s examine: Dupre is certainly capable of using various carnal means of getting into a VIP section she has no earthly justification being in, so she may have, physically, been inside the velvet ropes the fateful night in question. But Heidi talk to such a tramp? If ANY words were exchanged, Heidi probably thought Dupre was a waitress or washroom attendant wandering by and maybe, just maybe, placed an order for a bottle of super-premium vodka with her. She would have absolutely nothing to say to this woman beyond that. Do you honestly think they have anything in common? Does Heidi Fleiss have anything in common with Katie Holmes-Cruise? Does Jenna Jameson have anything in common with Jennifer Garner-Affleck? Of course not!! A whore is a whore is a whore. There are no “whore” celebrities. Heidi Montag is an A-list celebrity and is treated as such, deservedly so. These stories and rumors will quickly go the way of the Dodo—crushed by the wheels of time.

Has Mickey Rourke gotten a tattoo of Heidi?

Sources in southern Florida can’t stop gabbing about a run-in with famous Oscar-nominated actor Mickey Rourke at a popular cabana bar over the weekend. He wasn’t the only one—this is Florida we’re talking about, folks--but Mickey was stripped to the waist during an afternoon-long session throwing back Mai Tais like they were going out of style. Everyone in attendance couldn’t help notice he was sporting tattoo “cover-up tape” over his one pectoral. It was obviously the result of a brand-new tattoo. When some eager female fans asked to see what it was, he obliged and removed the bandage. In the most shocking news in some time, it was a head to toe portrait of Heidi from her world-famous “Higher” video!!!!!!!! The girls recognized her immediately but Mickey wasn’t playing ball. First he said it was Anna Nicole Smith and then he said Jessica Simpson.

C’mon Mick, quit taking the mick!!!!! We know you love Heidi! And you know what? One of Heidi’s favorite movies is this Mickey Rourke vehicle from way back when. So Heidi loves you, too!!

Heidi Montag New York Central Park Photos officially released!

Not surprisingly, news agencies the world over have scrambled for the rights to these latest pictures. These pictures were taken by professional photographers in various “on-location” locations around New York City. Heidi is most famously known as a Rocky Mountain/West Coast girl but being in New York didn’t faze her one bit!!!

New York is universally acknowledged as a fashion center capital so naturally what we had here was a classic fish-to-water situation. New Yorkers are traditionally the toughest audience to win over and they loved Heidi!! Fans rushed from one hot spot to the next to wish her well. Heidi returned this adulation with the greatest gift at her disposal, a prolonged appearance of her beautiful smile.

A possible third home for Heidi a la a pied a terre on Upper East Side? Word in the halls of the NY dailies is that real estate agents have been contacted!!!!!!!

The Next Julia Childs?

Evidently, negotiations have been initiated between Heidi’s management and the Pax Food Corporation. Pax is quite keen for Heidi to become their “official” spokesperson for the Pressata line of lunch sandwiches. THE ENTIRE LINE including the Arizona Turkey, Chicken Vera Cruz and Mozzarella Pesto Melt. Pressata is a trademarked business term, meaning that ONLY Pax has exclusive rights to market and sell sandwiches under this name.

If you live in a big city, you’ve seen these restaurants and you know they are easily the most upscale “white-collar” lunch destination in town. Pressata sandwiches sell for about twice what other “normal” sandwiches cost the lunchtime consumer. Heidi will most certainly glamorize this brand even further. Sources say point-of-sales collateral could include life-sized cardboard cutouts placed in every existing Pax retail outlet in America.!!

This deal really has the potential for business story of the year…only eight more months and we’ll know for sure!!!

Idiots can’t see the joke!! (What a surprise)

People are running off their mouths about how Heidi has recently stated that she wanted some rear end surgery done. Of course this was all spoken to the reporter “tongue in cheek” which means that Heidi was joking with the reporter about this particular procedure, which as far as I know no doctor has ever even performed. But no, people have to read everything “word for word” and then chime their two cents in about how it is “monstrous” and “unnatural” and perversions of nature. Can’t you even realize a joke for a joke? Heidi is making fools of you and still you bark like stray, mangy dogs about a pure fantasy world that would never in a million years materialize. Heidi knew this quote would be attributed as part of a cover story in InTouch magazine. InTouch magazine has something like fifty gazillion readers per weekly annum. So why wouldn’t she say that??????

Did Heidi Fleiss steal Heidi’s Name?

This is incredible news. Certain outlets are substantiating claims that Heidi Fleiss is now trying to attach herself to Heidi Montag’s rocketship fame, by buying adwords like ‘Heidi” in certain internet search engines that lead unsuspecting ‘net consumers to her website, which is filled with unsavory pictures and innuendo. Just when you think the rock is turned over and all the bugs have crawled out, here comes the biggest one of the bunch!!!! The sad thing is there is nothing Heidi M. or her lawyers can do about it. They have exhausted all legal means!!!! Hopefully the Hollywood Madam will run out of money soon. Nobody is buying her clothes. Nor have they ever!!!! Fleiss may think people are dumb zombies that will gobble up whatever trash she lays out for them but humanity is just a bit too sharp for this witch. HMIB eagerly awaits her downfall!!!!

Heidi’s Wedding: Televised Live, Television History

Is there anyone in their right mind who doesn’t think this is going to be a number one ratings sweeps winner of a show??? It’ll take months to negotiate all the contracts and sponsor sign-ups who will want to be involved, so we’re looking at late summer fall/early autumn nuptials AT THE EARLIEST. A fall wedding somewhere like the Berkshires would be beautiful, but a summer “beach” wedding gives Heidi many more choices. Saint Bart’s? Hawaii? Cape Kennebunkport? The cameras and publicity would follow her anywhere so that is not the problem. The tie-ups will occur once the lawyers get involved because the amount of money that is going to be involved will be mind-blowing. But rest assured, it will get worked out. Will it be an “invitation only” type wedding? Please!! What are you talking about? Of course it will be!

Heidi to Possibly meet Pope?

This rumor has also started to blow around the alleyways of the internet. And of course, more snickering, more derision. Heidi is not perfect, but are the other people meeting the Pope absolutely pure? Let he who casteth out the first stone, the Good Book says. I agree completely. Heidi has never claimed to be an expert on religion. Who is? There is so much that is unknowable! But this Pope, who grew up in the TV age, is certainly aware of the Cruises, the Tom Hanks, and the like. So of course he knows all about Heidi!!! And he would be delighted to meet her, of course. They both drive Mercedes Benz automobiles. Are you jealous of that???????????????

‘Bolt-Ons’---Unacceptable Term!!!!

Earlier this afternoon there was an article that made graphic reference to Heidi’s chest area—calling it “Bolt-Ons.” This is filth and probably libel, too. I mean I realize the internet is a free of censorship zone and I agree in principle, but can’t we just for once operate on a little bit of a higher plane? Where dignity and restraint can reign instead of junior high school level “slang terms?” Heidi made a choice and she is happy with it. But no, OTHER people can’t be happy—they can never be happy unless they are slandering something—if someone looks good they’ve got to say “you don’t look good.” Anything for controversy. These are the same sort of people who call Heather Mills “Hopalong.” It is disgusting and once again, actionable behavior if we take the time to analyze it on a word by word basis. Would you call Sammy Davis Jr. “Glass Head” or “Cyclops?”

Heidi WILL NOT do a Hills movie. That decision is her right to choose!!!

I know a lot of “Hills” fans are piling into Heidi this week about her not wanting to bring the show up onto the big screen, but lest we forget, it is her choice—not the producers or manager’s choice about this movie.

It’s no secret that Denzel Washington (a multiple Oscar winner AND nominee) has expressed some very earnest interest in putting Heidi in one of his next movie vehicles. So why on earth would she do a blown-up TV show in the movie theatre? It just doesn’t make sense in any iota of thinking. A Hills movie would have to be Rated G. There is simply more money to be made in an R-rated movie starring a multiple Golden Globe and Oscar winner. Denzel fits that bill. And he wants Heidi to work with him!!! He’s said so more than once.

So back off!!! Once this Denzel movie is wrapped, then and maybe then will Heidi entertain the Hills movie vehicle. Patience will be justly rewarded.

Heidiwood clothing line and critics thereof

It seems like the fashion critics and other wannabees are having a “field day” shooting down Heidi’s clothing line—which is called HeidiWood. They are saying that it is trash or whatever. I don’t know a whole lot about women’s clothing but most of these smart-ass critics who have been saying this stuff have been males of the homosexual variety. What the heck does a gay man know about woman’s clothes???? Men wear Men’s clothes, no matter what their sexual preferences. No Male is ever fit to judge clothes a woman has designed and that are meant to be worn by a woman. That’s it. End of story.

More on this later….

NY and now LA

Just heard the news that Heidi was in New York. Of course I find out about it (through something as old-fashioned as a newspaper) on the very day the airplane whooshes her back to the mansion in her west coast home. Just my luck!!!! LOL

Apparently Heidi stayed at the Plaza Hotel. There is a waiting list for this hotel but it's not surprising that they will open this or bump some people back for celebrity guests. Heidi got in no problem!!!! The Plaza is one of the richest hotels in NY and also in any other city if you want to compare.

There are rumors swirling about several new TV shows in the works featuring Heidi in the "main character" role

Heidi Channel a future possibility? LOL!!!!

Heidi 24-7, that would be something for the ages....even Trump never reached those Heights!!!!!